Almost every child lies at some stage of his life. In this process, it is important to consider the periods of development of children. Lying is part of healthy development in the first years of childhood. in the period from 0 to 3 years, children do not yet fully dec the concept of lying.
When we look at the reasons why children lie, the reason behind their lies lies lies in their wishes that they actually wish to come true.
They use lies sometimes to please their families, sometimes to express things that they wish were happening as if they were happening.
Towards the end of this period, the cognitive skills of children develop thoroughly and a phenomenon that we call the theory of mind takes place.
The child discovers that the other has feelings, thoughts, knowledge, beliefs that are different from his own. With this discovery, the child realizes that the situations that are within his knowledge are not known to the other. He also resorts to lies for various reasons.
In the period of 3-6 years, the imagination of children is greatly strengthened. They can exaggerate their experiences and tell stories.
They say that they saw monsters under his bed, they indicate that his toys are talking. children aged 6 years and older are now aware that lying is a phenomenon that is not socially welcome.
So what are the common reasons for lies told at the age of 6 and later?
Children whose parents lie are more likely to lie. A father who tells the person who gave him a gift that he loves the gift, but as soon as that person leaves, disdains the gift, becomes a model for the child. Although she is perfectly healthy, when her mother-in-law invites her to dinner, she says that she cannot leave because she is sick, and the mother tells the child that ‘lying is acceptable behavior’.
Even from time to time, some children are exposed to the lie of their parents. It is difficult for a child subjected to an instruction such as ’If they ask about me, you will say on a trip’ not to model this attitude of his parent.
High Expectations: A child who has difficulty meeting his or her parent’s expectations resorts to lying if he or she feels that he or she can only receive love when he or she meets his or her family’s expectations. He can claim that he got the highest grade on the exam himself.
Children who experience deprivation also often resort to lies. One of the strategies developed to get special attention, to be loved, to be noticed is to lie. Although it didn’t happen, saying that someone forced the door when he didn’t have parents at home is like claiming that he exists even though he doesn’t have a brother.
Children who overreact as a result of what they have done may apply lies in order to avoid punishment and avoid being offended.
Gaining Strength and Status: A child who feels weak can tell lies in order to gain strength, sometimes belonging to a group.
Stressful Life Events: Lies are the reflection of stressful life events of many times. Problematic sibling relationships, dating problems, bullying, etc. as.
‘What should the approach be like when children lie?” if we try to find answers to the question, when children lie, getting angry at them, punishing them, offending them turns things into something worse. These sanctions and disciplinary practices cause a feeling of anxiety, revenge and insecurity.
The boy who said he had a battery car even though he didn’t, was asked, “Would you like to have a battery car? by asking a question such as ” can it be possible to reveal his desire.
Similarly to the child who made up an unlived story, “It’s a great story! Let’s write this down somewhere, shall we? it can be approached as “.
The most important thing is ’What could my child need?’ it’s about asking yourself the question. Instead of asking questions that will lead the child to a lie; listening to the child, trying to understand him, accompanying him, spending time and contact with the child, being a model for the child will be effective in the first place.
If the process is too long and/or the behavior of lying is accompanied by behaviors such as stealing, engaging in risky behaviors, harming oneself and others, I recommend that you get expert support.